


Lapis the Steamroller

by E350tb



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Stupidity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 00:49:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16439948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E350tb/pseuds/E350tb
Summary: Lapis is a steamroller.Quite literally, in fact.





	Lapis the Steamroller

**Author's Note:**

> This came from a discord injoke.
> 
> I apologise in advance.

**Lapis the Steamroller**

  
“So,” said Amethyst, “Lapis is kind of a steamroller.”

“Yes,” nodded Pearl, “She does have quite a potent power set - we’re lucky to have her back on the team, and…”

“No, you don’t get it,” interrupted Amethyst, “Me and Peridot accidentally did some magic stuff and now Lapis is literally a steamroller.”

There was a long silence.

“...what?”

* * *

Steven, Connie and Peedee stood out on the boardwalk, the former in a fierce argument. Kevin had parked his expensive sports car outside Beach Citywalk Fries, just close enough to Peedee’s food truck that nobody could get past him to the counter. Although annoyed, Peedee was prepared to let it go for the time being - but Steven had no intention of letting the neighbourhood jerk get away with it.

“You need to move your car!” he shouted, “You’re not even going anywhere! You’re just leaning against it and occasionally looking over your sunglasses!”

Kevin looked over his sunglasses.

“It’s called looking _cool_ , Dexter.”

“ _My name is Steven! And come on, you’re hurting Peedee’s business!_ ”

“Come on, Steven, it’s not worth it,” sighed Peedee, “I’ll come back later…”

“No! This is bad! He’s being a _dink!_ ” exclaimed Steven, “I just… _gah!_ ”

He very lightly kicked Kevin’s rims.

Kevin turned swiftly, grabbing Steven by the collar and lifting him up.

“Don’t touch my rims,” he snapped, “They’re worth more than your house!”

“Let him go!” shouted Connie.

“Or _what?_ ” demanded Kevin, “You’ll kick my shins?”

Connie kicked his shins very hard. He howled in pain and dropped Steven onto the boardwalk. His face turned red as he recovered, towering over the three kids.

“Oh, you’re _dead_ ,” he snarled.

“Well, thanks a bunch,” said Peedee, glaring at Connie, “This really brightened my day, you know?”

“Oh come on, we can take him,” shrugged Connie.

“ _You_ can! I’m just a poor tater tot vendor. I’m practically an NPC here! I…”

_Toot toot!_

Kevin looked around, confused. What had that been?

He soon found out.

Rolling down the boardwalk was a big, blue steamroller, looking to all the world like an ordinary steamroller - except instead of having a smoke box, it had a big version of Lapis’ face.

“Leave Steven alone!” Lapis shouted as she rolled towards them.

“...what the _fu-_ ” Kevin began.

He was cut off as Lapis rolled over his car, slowly and deliberately flattening it. He yelped and jumped back to avoid a spray of metal, glass and sparks, as his prized possession was instantly pancaked. He watched on, dumbfounded, as Lapis backed up and squashed whatever was left, before stopping and giving him a death glare.

“Stay away from him,” she snarled, “You got it?!”

“I… guh… okay,” said Kevin lamely.

“ _Good_.”

She turned to Steven and Connie.

“Hey guys!” she said brightly, “I’m a steamroller now.”

She whistled again and rolled away, once more flattening Kevin’s car for good measure. With a steady chugging sound, she disappeared into the distance, leaving Kevin sobbing next to the remains of his car.

Steven smiled and waved.

“She’s a steamroller now?” asked Connie.

“Lapis can be what she wants to be,” shrugged Steven.

Peedee shook his head.

“Is there a gas leak somewhere?” he spluttered, “I… _did that just happen?!_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> I have brought disgrace upon my family with this tale.


End file.
